Do what exactly?
...exactly what am i supposed to be doing?
I only ask, because everywhere I look (admittedly in gossip columns, TV and the general self obsessive myriad of our social beings) there is a 20 something creating that, or acting in this or even doing nothing - seemingly ruining themselves and causing drama - which in a sense is something.
I want to do something. I want some recognition. Is that a little shallow and conceited? Yes. Yes it damn well is. I don't actually care deep down...but I do care when it comes to pulling the right punches and letting loose on this generation X drug that's going round. I went to the first non-fee paying performing arts college and in my years there I learned and passed the halls with many now top UK artists in all spectrums of the word. Now with a sense of jealousy and panic - I'm looking at you, Kate Nash, Leona Lewis and Luke Pritchard of the Kooks - I am constantly bombarded with these young hip...youngsters...making something of themselves especially while they have the drive and spirit to do so. As a young creative soul I am an idealist. I daydream (on average about 20 times or more) a day. I can't help it, my mind wonders and then becomes entangled in its own play of fantasia that exists in my head. I regularly take trips around my hometown (nod to another peer) and see so many people just doing and getting involved. It nervs me and reassures me.
For example upon leaving the college I went on to study production in TV industry. I never learnt a lot (but thats another story) I was never pushed, and looking back I constantly remind myself of all the free state of the art equipment that I could have used up for free (actually it would have made perfect sense to the cost of the damn course in the end!) and the messes and MASSES of student films that could have been created, despite being shit, I would hae been learning invaluable lessons by myself (oh how wise I have become)
So since then I have been job hopping...after spending a year at a great independent tv company, I had to leave, and I vowed to eventually leave to work in the genre I wanted to. Needless to say that time has come and due to an annoying set back I will not be taking up any film/dramatv roles anytime soon (sob sob) - Now I can feel sorry for myself and know deep down that I will still make it - I have this thing where I play understated lady and will one day (ok daydream is set in motion) just burst out on the scene "Wow who is she? ...look at the all the cool things shes created...ooo ahhhh" I'm so impatient however and frustrated that i can not see this bigger picture and thus have come to a stump where constant wallowing and panic is probably driving most prospective employers away because I clearly am not being assertive enough.
What annoys me is that I know people who are like that, and they tend to be the twats who thought too highly of themselves back at Uni and have clearly fooled everyone in the real world too. Like Jose* - Jose was the handsome 'cool' young man that *swoon..bleurgh* all the ladies apparently fancied. A) Complete News to me (he looks like an Albino toad...*cough*) and B) wtf? now I have had numerous encounters with said Jose* He was obnoxious but undoubtedly talented...talented in charming people and convincing them that he knew what he was doing. He ended up using his avid followers (many of them have now blacklisted him under Idiot) and deserting them when he made better 'friends' that would help further his career. I saw Jose* one time he blanked me. I was so insulted (which made me even angrier...we werent exactly close friends...it was just rude!) that I spoke about it to whoever would listen, before a fatal accident caused me to snap out of this self wallowing and move on.
Well not quiet...I think people got bored and I had found other things to moan about. But he then had the cheek to *request* me - yes he sent a lacky (also of said higher thinker of themselves-er group) to dine with him. PAH. I declined of course. I was busy FACT. However i was mortified and clearly other ppl were too because another friend commented on the facebook request.
I then saw Jose and chose *not* to, if you get my drift...only this time thinking he probbaly didnt see me anyway but he did, he mentioned it to a friend. I brushed this encounter off and admitted my endeavour. We disclosed my actions as petty.
The point of Jose* is not a moral one, but an example of those annoying fARTSY creative young-uns that send me in to depressive mode because i want to have a little bit of what they're having, but I just don't know how. Jose* made a film recently...which he managed to get funded and premiered in central london. B*d. How he does it is beyond me, I just know I can do it too. Maybe he knew that (I have been rated on my creative kooks in illustration and writing) and wanted to share his slice of the pie? what if i missed my the white flag to jump on board the Success Express because I was too proud and petty? I mean surely the reason he will (undoubtedly) get far is because he uses people to his advantage, but with charisma and blatant cunning? I mean surely this is what TV and Film and everyother business is about? Darn - So...what to do...I am currently writing, drawing, in the modes of creating a novelty, trying to learn my theory and pass, working and reading. Is this far to much to do at any one time for one so young? I mean am I just fighting with myself?...yes? hmpf.
*Jose is not this idiots real name.
The most annoying encounters atm:
* seeing Laura Dockrill call on the exact same influences (Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake and Tim Burton)...and we were in the same ENGLISH CLASS!!!
*Facebook photos and newsfeeds. Why must you pin point who is in a relationship, what events I am NOT going too and highlight all the reasons I need to get a real life...not a cyber one (blogexcludedyeah!)
*The 23 year old published work collegue - with a better job and life
*American kids.
*The rubbishly titled *Brit Pack* (what the hell does everyone see in the T4 twatisoms of late...bring back Dermot to everything i say!)
*Young stars of tomorrow (Screen online and Elle) I want to be one...I'm almost 23 darn...and thats apparently 'passed it' when you've got the Skins crowd riding up your jacksy.
*The other friends of a good friend - cleverer and more likely to succeed.
I only ask, because everywhere I look (admittedly in gossip columns, TV and the general self obsessive myriad of our social beings) there is a 20 something creating that, or acting in this or even doing nothing - seemingly ruining themselves and causing drama - which in a sense is something.
I want to do something. I want some recognition. Is that a little shallow and conceited? Yes. Yes it damn well is. I don't actually care deep down...but I do care when it comes to pulling the right punches and letting loose on this generation X drug that's going round. I went to the first non-fee paying performing arts college and in my years there I learned and passed the halls with many now top UK artists in all spectrums of the word. Now with a sense of jealousy and panic - I'm looking at you, Kate Nash, Leona Lewis and Luke Pritchard of the Kooks - I am constantly bombarded with these young hip...youngsters...making something of themselves especially while they have the drive and spirit to do so. As a young creative soul I am an idealist. I daydream (on average about 20 times or more) a day. I can't help it, my mind wonders and then becomes entangled in its own play of fantasia that exists in my head. I regularly take trips around my hometown (nod to another peer) and see so many people just doing and getting involved. It nervs me and reassures me.
For example upon leaving the college I went on to study production in TV industry. I never learnt a lot (but thats another story) I was never pushed, and looking back I constantly remind myself of all the free state of the art equipment that I could have used up for free (actually it would have made perfect sense to the cost of the damn course in the end!) and the messes and MASSES of student films that could have been created, despite being shit, I would hae been learning invaluable lessons by myself (oh how wise I have become)
So since then I have been job hopping...after spending a year at a great independent tv company, I had to leave, and I vowed to eventually leave to work in the genre I wanted to. Needless to say that time has come and due to an annoying set back I will not be taking up any film/dramatv roles anytime soon (sob sob) - Now I can feel sorry for myself and know deep down that I will still make it - I have this thing where I play understated lady and will one day (ok daydream is set in motion) just burst out on the scene "Wow who is she? ...look at the all the cool things shes created...ooo ahhhh" I'm so impatient however and frustrated that i can not see this bigger picture and thus have come to a stump where constant wallowing and panic is probably driving most prospective employers away because I clearly am not being assertive enough.
What annoys me is that I know people who are like that, and they tend to be the twats who thought too highly of themselves back at Uni and have clearly fooled everyone in the real world too. Like Jose* - Jose was the handsome 'cool' young man that *swoon..bleurgh* all the ladies apparently fancied. A) Complete News to me (he looks like an Albino toad...*cough*) and B) wtf? now I have had numerous encounters with said Jose* He was obnoxious but undoubtedly talented...talented in charming people and convincing them that he knew what he was doing. He ended up using his avid followers (many of them have now blacklisted him under Idiot) and deserting them when he made better 'friends' that would help further his career. I saw Jose* one time he blanked me. I was so insulted (which made me even angrier...we werent exactly close friends...it was just rude!) that I spoke about it to whoever would listen, before a fatal accident caused me to snap out of this self wallowing and move on.
Well not quiet...I think people got bored and I had found other things to moan about. But he then had the cheek to *request* me - yes he sent a lacky (also of said higher thinker of themselves-er group) to dine with him. PAH. I declined of course. I was busy FACT. However i was mortified and clearly other ppl were too because another friend commented on the facebook request.
I then saw Jose and chose *not* to, if you get my drift...only this time thinking he probbaly didnt see me anyway but he did, he mentioned it to a friend. I brushed this encounter off and admitted my endeavour. We disclosed my actions as petty.
The point of Jose* is not a moral one, but an example of those annoying fARTSY creative young-uns that send me in to depressive mode because i want to have a little bit of what they're having, but I just don't know how. Jose* made a film recently...which he managed to get funded and premiered in central london. B*d. How he does it is beyond me, I just know I can do it too. Maybe he knew that (I have been rated on my creative kooks in illustration and writing) and wanted to share his slice of the pie? what if i missed my the white flag to jump on board the Success Express because I was too proud and petty? I mean surely the reason he will (undoubtedly) get far is because he uses people to his advantage, but with charisma and blatant cunning? I mean surely this is what TV and Film and everyother business is about? Darn - So...what to do...I am currently writing, drawing, in the modes of creating a novelty, trying to learn my theory and pass, working and reading. Is this far to much to do at any one time for one so young? I mean am I just fighting with myself?...yes? hmpf.
*Jose is not this idiots real name.
The most annoying encounters atm:
* seeing Laura Dockrill call on the exact same influences (Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake and Tim Burton)...and we were in the same ENGLISH CLASS!!!
*Facebook photos and newsfeeds. Why must you pin point who is in a relationship, what events I am NOT going too and highlight all the reasons I need to get a real life...not a cyber one (blogexcludedyeah!)
*The 23 year old published work collegue - with a better job and life
*American kids.
*The rubbishly titled *Brit Pack* (what the hell does everyone see in the T4 twatisoms of late...bring back Dermot to everything i say!)
*Young stars of tomorrow (Screen online and Elle) I want to be one...I'm almost 23 darn...and thats apparently 'passed it' when you've got the Skins crowd riding up your jacksy.
*The other friends of a good friend - cleverer and more likely to succeed.
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