Aint nothin gonna change

Touche is spelt thus - NOT TUSHAY!
When will people (like Mavis Bean) learn?

Rant continue:

So not long ago I spotted divine taupe over the knee micro-suede boots from a well known high street retail.
To my horror when i attempted to buy them online I was face with the message : SOLD OUT
Ok so this store isnt known for its cool popularity and quality in clothes - so I was suprised and a little annoyed that they refused my custom. It became and obsession.

I had to have them now because they were so unattainable. The little voice inside my head was telling me that something so popular would mean that I would then see other women walking around town with the same pair - and that in my book is not on. Yet they needed me and my lovely pins deserved to showcase them

So I hunted the net - looked on ebay - and by some miraculous cruel fate they were there! ...in a size 4. Im a size 6.
I couldnt sleep. I kept seeing the advert on tv - these glorious boots sashaying back and forth on the model i dared compare my stubby stumps to her lengthly limbs.
I woke up in a near sweat the next day and called the store.

''they'll definitely have it in one of the hundreds of stores in London town. Surely'' I panted to myself tapping like a mad woman on the phone.

I was met by the call center - based somewhere in India no doubt - and demanded they find me the right pair.

''Sorry madam but it is not in store. Let me check the warehouse.''

I waited...the warehouse! of course they'd have them there.

''no sorry madam. They are not in the warehouse in your size.''

There not in the warehouse in your fat wide feet size love - get another dream and piss off.

I was mortified - I dont know why - it was only a day since that I had decided I even liked them. My impulsive streak never failed to taunt me.

I wasnt giving up - for some reason I chose to 'watch' the ebay pair - yes - even though they were not in my size!
Ridiculous i hear you cry - oh i know.

So I made more calls - everytime i was given the same info

''Sorry madam but we are out of stock on this item - maybe if you wait till our next restock."

"WHEN WHEN WILL THAT NEXT RESTOCK BE?"

"...ok Madam - that will be on the err...5th of November."

"WHAT!"

So I hung up. Undefeated I scoured my brains for the next step - I thought...well someone in India aint going to know anything. No offense but when your that far away telling me that i cant get the boots i want in my country ...it doesnt instill the best of confidence.


''Put me through to the Oxford circus Store please.''

''May I ask madam what it is regar-"

"No!"

"Ok madam putting you though. Thank you."

I felt a little bad - but that suddenly evaporated when I was put through to a sales assistant who checked in his stock room and returned with good news.

''We have a size 6 for you - do you want me to hold them?''

''YES - I LOVE YOU!"

So i trotted down, smug that i had defeated the call center system - telling me i couldnt have my boots! well looky here - I HAVE THEM ...IN A WIDE SIZE 6 !
I tried one on. That was enough to convince me they were coming home - that and the jealous stares I was getting from other females, baffled as to how I had attained the rare boots.
I brought them home - eager to try them both on and parade around in consumer glee - the only way a woman can.
I pulled on the left and right boots..."ooo...that feels a bit weird...''
On boot (the left) was a little bit more airy than the other. So I checked the fitted one to see there wasnt any stuffed tissue paper inside.
Nope. What was it? I pulled them back on and started walking. No. Something wasnt right. My heart started thumping in anticipation. I checked the box : SIZE 6 TAUPE KNEE BOOTS.
OK. Thats all fine. I turned the boots over, my eyes darted between the soles of both. Like a spot the difference puzzle my brain alerted me to an irregularity between the right and left boot.

39 ....39.5.....39.....39.5....

Size 6....6 1/2 ....6.....6 1/2....

I cant even go on for fear of crying again. It was with great shame that I had to call the store's call centre back and ask them to find the right size boot.

''Sorry Madam.''

''Thats ok...it was always too good to be true."