Fatty Fatty

So I read an interesting article in the December issue of ELLE uk yesterday (on my way to trim the beasts that are my eyebrows) titled: ' BIG LOVE' by Amy Maclin.

It was a very funny, open wounded account detailing the inescapable 'issue' of putting on a little weight and having a partner who notices...and gets put off.

In a world where body image is repeatedly scrutinised, nipped, tucked (and lord knows what hasn't been yet discovered that can be done) I was ready to turn over what I thought would be another tiresome 'woe is me' tale of a woman with body issues. BORED OF IT.

...I read on...because I had nothing else to do on the train to Upton Park's Green Street (the cheap and best for Threading sweat shops ....i mean salons.) and to my delight (laughing out on the train included) I loved every word. Old Amy had been toned and happy when she met her boyfriend Alex. So happy in love was she that the love of food and apparent complacent attitude that comes with being comfortable and happy with a lover started to show...on her midriff.

One night when Amy had confronted Alex that their nightly sessions of 'fantastic sex' had gradually faded out ( apparently Alex couldn't 'get it up') he brutally replied:

'I feel your fat here...I used to feel muscle'

the author states this as being

'one of the worst nights of my life'

Bloody rightly so! I hurrumphed as the train pulled in to North Greenwich. My heart would sink to my toes and I would probably, like Amy, run off crying...and eating along the way.
Unlike me however, Amy so distraught by her boyfriends upfront (and to his credit), honest if not a little insensitive assessment, she stopped eating.
She eventually lost the weight and their sex lives are back on track.

Now this is just a snippet of what I got from the article - and an interesting one because unlike the normal 'STICK IT TO THE MAN' or 'I LOVE ME AND MY CURVES SO F***K YOU' conclusion, Amy offered a more realistic resolution. Yes Resolution. She and Alex eventually made up. She was obviously self conscious, but he overcame his prejudices and accepted that she was more than a human sex doll. She also makes a point that she doesnt think that Alex or men in general loose interest when a womans jeans size cranks up a notch - but thought it incredulous to think that if we ourselves noticed that the other half wouldnt.

The essential point (that i think she was making light of) was that she forgot that it was important to make that effort despite being in a relationship, while she still could.
Sex is undeniably important between a couple, its not the be all and end all but Its so intimate, and personal - and lets not lie - if there are attractions to the other half that are suddenly taken away we may feel a little cheated.

Unfortunately it sounds like a disclosure - sealing a deal by sticking to the physical restrictions we lay upon one another in order to attract. Its not a persons humor we see when they walk through the door - unless your ugly or have a really loud cackle that's infectious.
Admittedly when we get to know someone then blah blah blah - but what I'm getting at is this...was I dumped by my ex's (ha like ive had more than 2..woe) because they saw me in the wrong light and caught the bulge escaping over my jeans?...or did my calves get too fat?.
I have calculated that both guys I dated (a long time from now) had been with me when i had gone through a serious period of weight fluxuations. I grew boobs, a bum...i got podgy round the waist...and was awkward for a long while. Now Im sexy and its all good - but just knowing that guys are that perseptive makes me cringe. Im in a Gym mode at the moment, but when I stop going, which is inevitable - I know i will pile it on so quickly - Im african, i love food so so much and genuinley dont think or care much. Im also 5'2 so the only way it can go is not up - its sideways. I carry on the mentality that my body is mine to give, I cherish it for me - but its also a thought to spare to my lover who may want me to keep it that way so he can enjoy it too. So I will honor this till I have kids...or I want to get rid of him.