I spy with my little eye something beginning with Awkward.

I went to see Shrek yesterday. 

Read my Review. 

But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to rant about what happened when waiting to see the film. 

Me and my brother were waiting to head in to the screening room at the IMAX. Spirits were high. England were positive they were going to beat Germany in the World Cup ... a theory what we know now is void -I digress

So there we are waiting in the queue . Not five seconds prior had i just had a heated conversation with my brother (the kind you have when you don't want the strangers around you to see you arguing with your family because  it's embarrassing) about why he should fork out the money for a large box of mixed flavoured popcorn. To which he protested furiously and claimed that I couldnt uses the reasons for me buying his ticket for the film as leverage - because I had voluntarily bought the ticket for him becase i wanted to see the film ..more than he did. 
 Then he asked for a sip of my bottled water. I said no...if he wasnt so tight with money he could buy himself his own bottled water and perhaps a large box of mixed flavoured popcorn while he was at it. We didnt speak for the preceding seconds.
I decided to be the bigger person and turn away from the fight. Damned if I was going to be the token black girl making the racket as was expected. No not me sorry bro but...

wait... I snapped back round to face him. He looked at me with his usual look of disdain and beffudlement to have me as his sister. 
"what?" my brother hissed, still annoyed that I refused to share my cool crystal clear Evian.
"See that woman behind me...the one in the blue dress, with the red bag and 3 other tall blonde men and woman next to her..."

My brother (younger but taller) looks over my head, focuses on the target, then slowly looks back at me. He shrugs "mmm hmm....what?"
"That. Is. Helen."
"Who?"
"That is Helen - a lady I used to work with and she's here with her fiance who's name i don't know and her firends who i also do not know."
My brother's eyes glaze over, he's been here before and he doesnt want to be part of it again. 
But i need help, this is a tricky predicament and siblings are meant to fight together...to the death. 
"I need you to help me."
"Oh no - no Alex no." he keeps repeating. He tries to turn away, but he can't because the crowd have multiplied and if he moves now, he looses his place in the queue - which doesn't make any sense because we all have allocated seating!

Helen is absolutely lovely, I tell my brother, and in a work environment I enjoy speaking to her. But I don't know her know her, and outside of the offices, when you're waiting to see Shrek - not to mention that the conversation will most definitley run thin and then it will get awkward, and you have no popcorn to munch on and keep you calm...well I panicked. 
I saw her and I panicked. 
"Go say Hello" my stupid logical brother offers.
I hiss at him..."I can't go up to her and just say Hello and walk away'' 
Rule of law states i spend a few minutes 'chatting and making polite conversation - which I admittedly can not do, and refuse to.


"Please - look, this is what we'll do. You can be my eyes ok..." I plead. 
"go and get us popcorn"
"NO SHE'LL SEE ME" I rage - why does he wind me up so?
"She'll hear you before she see's you with that mouth of yours"
Oh Snap - before i can berate him (even though i'm secretly proud he is so quick on the mark) he looks beyond me and his eyes widen, then he smiles nervously.


"what, what is it...she's behind me isnt she?'' and she's heard every word...
"No, but she did look our way...and well"
Oh no, she's seen me and she's coming over. I have to prepare to act suprised.
I wait for it...my brother momentarily becomes distracted by the popcorn stand.
"What are you doing...where is she now...i need movements, you're my eyes remember. Do i turn around now?"
"No, she's not looking over anymore."
"eh?"
My brother huffs in his '17 year-old bored of it all' way. "I think she thought she saw you, i dunno"
"Well did she or didnt she see me? either she didnt (so very Helen) and didnt even think twice about it, or she did and she...I gasp
"What now?" brother bear asks
"What if she saw me, and didnt WANT to come over!"
"Well then your safe innit"
Safe? poor clueless brother. Little does he know that what's actually happened is that I have been the victim of  avoidence. "She saw me, and chose not to come over because she doesnt want to speak to me!" cheek of it. 
"Well i guess you can stop acting all weird and just go get some popcorn now"
"I can't let her see me!"
I can see from the look in his pretty girl eyes that he doesn't understand...or care.
The fact is, Helen and I have both been playing a big game of pretend not to see the work colleague out of work. I started it, and with my back already to her, I'm trapped. 
If i turn around now and act like i dont care then I will be seen as blatantly rude...but if I stay standing in a awkward and quiet frankly vulnerable posisition I'm actually winning. 
See she will never be really sure that I have seen her because she has the overall advantage by being behind me. 
Its more in her court to come over to me...but again, due to my early spot, and the clear fact that i have stood frozen facing off center from the entrance to avoid her seeing me, she could also state that she did not realise i was there because all she could see was the back of me.
Oh its a cruel cruel world. 
I'm actually annoyed. My brother, my eyes, tells me that Helen and her friends have twice looked in our direction "she's probably told them she's seen me and doesnt want to talk to me"
"Mmm mmm, i think so. They all looked over, then they kind of formed a wall, like they were hiding her from youre prying eyes"
"Ack - she's good, but who the bloody hell doesnt want to talk to me? i'm brilliant!"
Brother scoffs.

"When are they going to let us in!" a woman shouts behind us. I look at her, my movements limited because Helen is somewhere behind me, and I dont know where.
The woman behind us was growling, almost spitting. I look at her bag of popcorn, its almost empty. If I'd paid almost a fiver for popcorn, only to eat it all before the film, i'd be pissed too. You get peckesh during the films...its not on. I digress.


"So what are you going to do, stand facing the wall until we go in?" my brother laughs.
I'm hungry for popcorn now. I don't like being hungry it makes me cranky.
"Don't mock me brother  - at least I'm going to be cool and reasonably refreshed with my cold bottle of Evian"
He looks at me in part incredulity and part dislike and part awe. 
Just when i think my body will cramp , the guys with the funny 3-D glasses open the doors and I am safe...
"Wouldnt it be funny if she was actually sitting next to us?" My brother sticks the knife in and twists it one last time. I have taught him well.
"Shit. youre right" Tickets are allocated, so there'll be no moving seats for me.
I decide its best to just play dumb. I can bull shit as much as the next person and definitley as much as you Helen. I know your game, i say to myself.
We take our seats, I put my ridiculous glasses on and scan the exits as punters flood in.
I have the advantage here. Im seated, and at the level we're at i have a good view to spot her and act. Also the dark room virtually makes me with my chocolate skin - almost invisible.


When my brother has stopped laughing, and I have given up caring, slowly but surely I see Helen and her cronies filter in, they take their shoddy seats waaaaaay down below our level. 
"Happy now?" My brother asks, slyly using this point to take my water from me 
"No, cheeky mare, she could have at least said hello."